Queen Vashti

The story of Esther, in the Book of Esther in the Bible, is one of a woman coming into a position of power and eventually saving her people. She came to the kingdom “for such a time as this”.  The past few weeks I have turned my attention to how she became queen. Let’s revisit the story.

First of all, this King Ahasuerus or Xerxes (whichever you prefer) was the king of a HUGE region! From India to Ethiopia is a vast amount of land (and water as the crow flies). Three years into his reign he invites all the nobles and princes from ALL the provinces to come and view his majesty. The Bible says “he shewed the riches of his glorious kingdom and the honor of his excellency for 180 days”, so for six months he was showing off his riches. At the end of that time, he made a feast for all the people in his palace. The people drank from vessels of gold, each one was uniquely made (we aren’t talking red solo cups here), there was royal wine in abundance. They slept in gold and silver beds, with beautiful swaths of material draped on cords. They walked on marble floors in a variety of hues. While the King is entertaining the men, Queen Vashti had a feast for the women in the royal house.

That’s when things get a little interesting. The Bible mentions (Esther 1:8) that these men were given all the wine they wanted “according to their pleasure” and on the seventh day (Esther 1:10) “when the heart of the king was merry with wine” he wanted Queen Vashti to be brought in wearing her crown to show off her beauty. But she refused.

Let’s stop there for a minute. This is a woman who is married to the most powerful man for thousands of miles around. Was she being a stinker? Was she the picture of entitlement thinking she was beautiful and the queen so really, what would the king do? Was she just too tired after all that entertaining? While these ideas are plausible, there is one more idea that I think should be considered. Maybe she too, was put in the kingdom for “such a time as this.”

She had to have been fully aware of the ramifications possible for refusing to do what the king asked. She was the queen after all. Is it possible that she had a strong sense of self and viewed herself as more than just a display? Is it possible that she knew she would be going into a room full of drunken men and there was no telling what the king would ask of her then? Did she value the women who were the wives of some of the men and didn’t like the idea of being paraded in front of them? Could she have been prompted in advance to say, “no,” because God was working His plan? We don’t really know the reason she refused to go, but for whatever reason, because she did not go to the king, it paved the way for Esther to come in and soon save her people. After all, what if Vashti had complied? There would be no story of Esther.   

Whether Vashti was truly spoiled and thought herself “above the law”, or an amazing woman who knew her worth and wouldn’t violate that for a room full of drunk men, we will probably never truly know. Whatever she was, she played the part the Lord needed her to play and because of it we see miracles in behalf of the Jews through lovely Queen Esther.

Feel free to leave a comment! I read some of the traditions about Queen Vashti and they are all fascinating, but vary widely. Who do you think she was?

Broken

 

Tough as Nails, Built to Last,  Practically Perfect in Every Way. These slogans and thoughts seem to sum up what we strive for and yet they would deprive us of what we need most.

I think we underestimate the power and sanctity of being broken. Something that is whole and perfect does not need the touch of a Master. It holds its form and performs its function just fine, thank you very much. I mean really who wants a broken pitcher? No one, it will not hold water. That was what it was created for, right?

And yet, what if that pitcher needs to spend some more time in the Creator’s hands? What if that pitcher needs to be held more, talked to more, adjusted, glued and repainted? What if those cracks and pieces are essential for that pitcher, not to hold water, but to sit on a shelf and hold the last flowers a mother picked from her garden and are now dried and remembered daily by her child? What if instead of holding water, that pitcher is the unexpected safe place for the family’s meager savings? That brokenness didn’t change that the pitcher is needed and serves a purpose.

In Japan, they have Kintsugi. It is a tradition of taking a broken piece, maybe a teacup, and gluing it back together using gold, silver or platinum dusted epoxy. The idea being that there is beauty in things that are imperfect, that things should not be wasted, and that we need to accept change. Those are some pretty powerful and beautiful ideas.

The pharisees in ancient times were, in their minds, pretty darn close to perfect. They knew the law, they kept the law, unlike the dirty and flawed beings around them. Yet the Master came to the “flawed”  ones and they became more beautiful, worked into something new. Not wasted. Changed.

I no longer fear being broken, I fear not realizing when I am broken and needing to spend more time with my Creator, the Master Healer. I don’t want to be a wasted work. I am His creation. I am broken. I am able to be fixed by Him. My brokenness does not make me useless or worthless. On the contrary, I may be more valuable, more pleasing to the eye if I allow more time in the Master’s hands. 

Will We Betray Him?

 

Recently we heard a message at church called “Love Your Enemies” by Dallin H. Oaks https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/17oaks?lang=eng. Which has been rattling around in my mind for several weeks.

It is a great reminder during this very unsure time here in the United States as an election is looming. And I use the word looming, because many are feeling a sense of foreboding and dread, some are feeling a sense of optimism, and some seem to not care but are waiting for a fight. A fight to defend who was elected. A fight against who wasn’t elected.

I’ve heard people comment about this talk and say, “I hope they were listening.” Referring to “they” meaning those who don’t agree with them politically, or the “they” who may start fighting, rioting and looting, or the “they” who the person considers to be wrong.

In pondering all of this, I can’t help but think of the time as Jesus was preparing to leave His mortal life, His friends, His family, to atone for all of our sins. As He was sitting with His friends providing them a reminder of Him through the teaching and giving of the bread and wine, He said, “Verily I say unto you, One of you which eateth with me shall betray me.” And they began to be sorrowful, and to say unto him one by one, Is it I? and another said, Is it I?” Mark 14:18-19.

I have friends on both sides of the political spectrum who have, I believe, sincerely prayed about who to vote for and received, what I believe, very different answers.  What if this is because the answer isn’t based on the outcome of an election? God knows the outcome of the election already. He knows what is going to happen. His plan is sure and in place.

What if we need to be asking the question His disciples did at the last supper?

“Is it me?”

Will I betray the God I love and try to serve by being mean, hateful and vicious to those I disagree with? Will I call others uninformed, unenlightened, uneducated, stupid or idiots because they didn’t agree with my political views? Will I carry a grudge in my heart? Will I be constantly angry? Will I be unforgiving? Will I be pointing the finger of blame of our country’s ills at a differing political party? Will I forget the commandment to “love others as I have loved you”?

I don’t think the outcome of this election is the biggest problem in our country, I think the way we handle it may be.

In just one week’s time I heard of theft, vandalism and intimidation happening to friends, coming from both political parties. Do we really think one side is the ‘bad guy’ or can we try to see that any of us could become the “Judas” of the situation?

Maybe the biggest question we can be asking ourselves right now is not, “Who will I vote for? Or “Who did my neighbor vote for?” But “How will I love and treat those who vastly disagree with me?”

Will I still strive to see others the way Jesus would and treat them the way Jesus would?

Am I suggesting that there isn’t right and wrong? Absolutely not! And I believe we need to voice that. I am suggesting that maybe we need to listen a whole lot more. And dig a whole lot more to get to an understanding. There may be things that we and our “political opponents” disagree on, but that doesn’t mean we need to become enemies. I have a friend who is constantly posting his political views. I have been amazed to listen to the banter of his friends who totally disagree with him and at times it gets heated. And yet, the friendship and admiration of each other has not diminished. Why? Maybe because the idea of intelligent debate is a notable and attractive quality. Maybe because even if they agree to disagree, they still care enough about one another to recognize that the relationship is more important than the debate.

We may or may not like the outcome of the election. We need to be considering how our actions afterward reflect on the beliefs we have. Will we betray the God we love, like Judas? Will we maybe stumble a bit like Peter, and discover we don’t want to betray Him?

Can we trust God that He will get us through the outcome of this, just like He does with everything else? If we can trust Him, then let us not betray Him.

Coronavirus Prayer

As schools are now being shut down to try to lessen the spread of the coronavirus, parents are worried. As other schools are choosing not to close, teachers and parents are worried. Because of these worries, my prayers have changed.

Right now, I pray for the kids. The kids ages 5+ who are left home alone because their parent(s) don’t have the resources for daycare. The kids who may not have heat left on at home because mom can’t afford it and food too. The kids who won’t get the meals the school usually provides during those times. The kids who won’t get interaction from anyone other than the t.v. or computer, or possibly anyone at all depending on the financial circumstances of their family. I pray for the kids who are older and will suddenly have hours of unsupervised time and find temptations galore. I pray for the kids who are home alone, that they will choose to be helpful and get things done and take some of the burden off their parents.

My prayers are for the parents who are now stressing about leaving their kids home by themselves because their job is crucial. I pray for the parents who have to stay home with sick kids and are stressed about the money they will miss from not being able to work. For the parents who work really long hours or two jobs to provide and don’t get home till late, I pray they will remember to bring food home for their kids and that they will still have enough energy to give a little love and comfort. I pray for the parents of kids who are left at daycare, because there is no choice, that they will be taken care of and that they won’t get sick.

I pray for the families who have members that are already immuno-compromised and this is making them worry more.

I pray for the teachers whose schools are still going, that they will stay strong and healthy and continue to provide a healthy mind set for their students. I pray they will be extra aware of anyone who may be sick and need to go home. I pray that their worries may be lightened.

I pray that we will all be a bit kinder and more thoughtful to each other. I pray that if we see someone filling a car with toilet paper, maybe we will consider that they are buying it for their whole neighborhood. I pray that those who are hoarding it, will have their hearts softened and help care for those who have none. I pray that we will make a visit to the house of an elderly person we haven’t seen for a few days, to check on them and their needs. In cold areas, I pray that we will see if the elderly, the sick, those with babies, have adequate heat.

I pray that we will rise above our selfish tendencies and look out for each other. I pray that we will see, afresh, how much we need each other. I pray that each day I will be aware of who needs my help. Maybe my house-bound neighbor needs a fresh batch of library books, the elderly guy across the street needs some cans of soup or another box of Kleenex. Maybe the puzzles spilling from my closet can be shared with the kids down the street who are stir crazy. Maybe the friend I haven’t talked to in a long time just needs to hear from another adult before she goes nuts. There are so many ways we can reach out and take care of each other. While we are kicking this virus to the street, let’s do the same with our selfishness.

I pray that we will find humor in this, that we will remember to laugh. It is awesome medicine and unlike a virus, it is best when we share it with others.

Finally, I pray that we will be able to see the goodness in others as they answer the prayers only God can hear.

#Coronavirus #Prayer #HelpEachOther

40 Day Sugar Fast

Last January, I participated in Wendy Speake's 40 day sugar fast. It was life changing!

Because of that I want to share a few thoughts as well as Wendy's new book.

There are a lot of things that I am willing to give up for a short period of time, but sugar is a tough one for me. Doing so made me very aware of some bad habits I was in. Turning to chocolate when I was tired, lonely, bored, or just craving. But that never made me feel better for long. Often I just had to have more. Sometimes I regretted it quickly because I knew better. During this fast, I came to realize it had become a false god for me. 

What I really wanted was to be filled with Jesus, the love of my Heavenly Father, and the power of the Holy Ghost. 

I learned how weak I am, and ultimately how strong He is. And also how faithful He is. He did not leave me in something as seemingly simple or unimportant as a sugar fast. 

I went through the pride cycle. I was not happy at the beginning. Then I tried to replace sugar with other things (in marched chips and salsa). Then I got past the cravings and got a little prideful that I was doing just fine. Then I was humbled to realize that it was only because I had Heavenly help. 

Wanting to get closer to Him cleaned up my habits, my thinking, my desires. 

If you are wanting to experience some interesting transformation both physically and spiritually, I highly recommend doing the 40 day sugar fast!
#WendySpeake #40daysugarfast #Spiritualtransformation #Lifechanging

Feasting Time

When one of our boys was really little, he had some eating issues. Well, ok, the reality was he just hardly ate anything. I vividly remember getting him ready for a bath one night and looking at his little body, now about 18 months old. His tummy was big and distended looking atop the scrawniest little legs and I suddenly had visions of the babies in third world countries and fear entered my heart.

He had no medical issues at that time that would create this. It wasn't until years later that we discovered he had serious texture issues relating to food and lots of other things he couldn't express until he was older. I had a friend whose mother-in-law was a dietician and spoke to her about my concerns. She gave us some much needed advice and said something that has stayed with me. "He knows how it feels to be empty, but he doesn't know how it feels to be full."

Wow! In a world where abundance of food is readily available and snacks are everywhere, it can be hard to imagine in our first world coziness to comprehend not feeling full.

And yet, do we experience this spiritually?

When was the last time you felt spiritually full?

Was it one day? A moment? An extended period of your life? If so, what led to that?

Was it from reading a passage in scripture that spoke to your spirit so deeply, you felt completely loved?

Was it through the voice of the Spirit whispering just what you needed to hear?

Was it the power of a blessing?

Was it a prayer answered in a way only you could appreciate?

If we are not ever feeling "full" spiritually, we need to!

What prevents that full feeling?
Is it that we lack the spiritual food we need?

Recently I had a day I felt full to overflowing! I could not stop myself from praying in pure gratitude for God's blessings to me, for His strength in my weakness, for the family and friends to be with me in this journey. And now weeks later, I'm trying to remember what led to that. I remember waking and praying and spending time in scripture. I went about all of my daily craziness, carpool, volunteering in the classroom, the store, and in between all of those things I listened to uplifting music. And somehow my spirit just could not be contained. I was literally spilling words of gratitude out.

I think it was that I was feasting. I had been going to Him regularly in prayer and spending time feasting on the word. I was filling up my spirit with good music. I was giving my spirit exactly what it needed and doing it abundantly, and then I was full.

I'm not sure this will happen every day, but that full feeling makes me want more. Of all the cravings I've ever had, this by far is the best one.

Psalms 107:9 "For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness."

Just like filling our bellies takes some work and some time, so does filling our souls. But it is the most satisfying fufillment we will ever have!

If you need me to pray for you in being filled up, respond to this blog and I will get right on it! If you know someone who is empty, pray for them to be filled, get specific! God loves to answer our prayers for each other!

What Do You Do?

What do you do when the answer to your many prayers is, "No."

How do you accept that you will not be healed, your family will continue to struggle, the job you want will not be forthcoming, the child you love will continue to make bad choices, the person who has hurt you will never apologize, the help you are seeking will not be provided, that your lot is to endure?

How do you endure when your heart is absolutely broken, your faith is stretched to the breaking point, you can barely convince yourself to keep breathing because even that feels like more than you can do?

I remember hard things coming my way in college, and making it. Somehow those things seem so miniscule now. Which means that someday what I am enduring now will seem so small.

But if I survived back then, I can survive now. So looking back, how did I do it?

I kept doing the things I knew were good and right, even when it seemed like I was simply going through the motions. I went to church, read my scriptures, served others- even when and especially when- I was dying inside.

I didn't give up on the notion that this was all in God's hands. There were many times I wondered if my prayers were reaching past the ceiling, but I would not stop calling on Him, hoping He was listening, waiting for His answers.

What do I do now? These very same things. Only this time more often than not, when I'm reading my scriptures I'm searching for those words that bring me peace, scrolling through for wisdom lurking in the spaces I have glossed over. Looking for wisdom in the white spaces. Waiting for breathings from the Spirit in the quiet loneliness.

I serve others a little more aware that their struggles are as real and painful as mine, so the service is little more sincere and a lot more from a place of compassion.

I refuse to believe this isn't all in His hands, but that doesn't mean I have gotten wise enough to let Him carry it. Unfortunately, I still have a lot of work in that area. I still struggle even knowing how to turn it all over to Him. I hear people say it, I hear it in songs, I just haven't figured out how exactly to do it right now. Instead I  tend to say, "I give up, I don't care anymore." Which is far from true.

I dig a bit deeper in holding onto trust that the Creator of this life knows what He is doing even when I don't and that all things will work together for my good. Trust that He is my adoring Father and wants to give me great things, in His own time. Trust that He will not let me go, even when I am wondering where He is.

I find myself spending more time trying to discover who He is and what He wants because that calls my attention away from myself. I'm finding that the more I try to discover Him, the less I worry about my own circumstances.