It's Never Too Late

 It is now Holy Week. A week of so many feelings. 

The triumph of our Savior riding into Jerusalem as its rightful King. Hopefully riding into our lives as its rightful King. 

The glory of cleansing the temple and cleansing ourselves. 

The teaching and communing. 

The humility of washing of feet. 

The bonding of breaking of bread. 

The healing of the enemy soldier's ear. 

The knowledge of coming betrayal. 

A mockery trial, and accusations from community members. 

The voices screaming for crucifixion. 

The crucifixion in all its cruelty. 

And before His death- an example. 

Two others condemned to die, for reasons unknown to us. Two others in the process of dying. 

One mocking the Savior, asking Him to get himself down and them too. 

The other having none of that and humbly asking to be remembered. 

To which the Savior of all responds, "Today shalt thou be with me in paradise." 

It is never too late to humble ourselves and come to our Savior.

At the same time, it is never too early.

It's never too early to walk with Him. To have peace and joy. To be fully loved and to be led away from our sinful ways. It's never too early to be renewed and given hope. 

So if you are wondering if it's too late for you, the answer is-absolutely not! He wants you! Right now, where you are. He loves your willingness to turn to Him. 

He will never force anyone, so this is totally up to you. The good news is, He is right there waiting for you!

Asked and Answered

Questions are important and sometimes, the answers are very important. Which is why it is good to think through what we are asking and why, and do we have an expected outcome.

The other night my youngest was at an event and without my knowing it he had downed TWO sodas! But I didn't know until he sat down to have a soda and I said, "No it's too late to be drinking pop." 

He replied, "But mom, I've only had two!" (I know, not the smartest reply). Anyway, I said no again and he continued needling me about it for a while until I finally said, "Asked and answered!" Which is my go to phrase when my kids keep asking for something, when they want me to change my answer.

Last week I was listening to a podcast that has sat with and disturbed me ever since. It was a young man who walked away from his faith. He detailed how he had "believed". He had served much in his faith and had testified many times to others. But then he started questioning himself and listening to lots of others that were questioning. So he decided to make it a fervent request and did so for a long period of time, almost a year. Then finally, he felt he heard, "No, his faith shouldn't be there."

This made me wonder, was he asking the Lord something that the Lord had already answered and the Lord wasn't going to change His answer? Did he, after such a long time, hear the answer he just wanted to hear? Did the Lord really change His mind, or did the Lord allow this man to get the answer he wanted so he could then do what he wanted. After all, the Lord will never force us to choose Him.

I don't know this man personally, but I hope that at some point he will think about his questioning process and determine whether he really got a new answer, or did he get the answer he wanted?

 

My personal belief is, God loves us, He wants us to return to Him. But He will never force us to love Him or serve Him, or return to Him.

If you are struggling in your faith, I encourage you to snuggle up closer to the Lord. Maybe ask Him to help you recognize all the ways He shows you His infinite love. Can you see it in the love of family or friends? Perhaps a talent He has given you, or a gift He gave others that you really enjoy? Is it in the beauties you see all around you? Or do you hear it in scripture as you read over and over again about How much He has done for His children? It could be that you just need reminders of what His past answer to you has been. Ask Him to bring to your remembrance all the ways and times He gave you His answer. Maybe even ask Him how to go forward when He wants you to accept an answer that maybe you don't want right now.

The Lord loves you! He won't turn His back on you. And if you don't necessarily like His answer, He will walk with you through it.

 

Queen Vashti

The story of Esther, in the Book of Esther in the Bible, is one of a woman coming into a position of power and eventually saving her people. She came to the kingdom “for such a time as this”.  The past few weeks I have turned my attention to how she became queen. Let’s revisit the story.

First of all, this King Ahasuerus or Xerxes (whichever you prefer) was the king of a HUGE region! From India to Ethiopia is a vast amount of land (and water as the crow flies). Three years into his reign he invites all the nobles and princes from ALL the provinces to come and view his majesty. The Bible says “he shewed the riches of his glorious kingdom and the honor of his excellency for 180 days”, so for six months he was showing off his riches. At the end of that time, he made a feast for all the people in his palace. The people drank from vessels of gold, each one was uniquely made (we aren’t talking red solo cups here), there was royal wine in abundance. They slept in gold and silver beds, with beautiful swaths of material draped on cords. They walked on marble floors in a variety of hues. While the King is entertaining the men, Queen Vashti had a feast for the women in the royal house.

That’s when things get a little interesting. The Bible mentions (Esther 1:8) that these men were given all the wine they wanted “according to their pleasure” and on the seventh day (Esther 1:10) “when the heart of the king was merry with wine” he wanted Queen Vashti to be brought in wearing her crown to show off her beauty. But she refused.

Let’s stop there for a minute. This is a woman who is married to the most powerful man for thousands of miles around. Was she being a stinker? Was she the picture of entitlement thinking she was beautiful and the queen so really, what would the king do? Was she just too tired after all that entertaining? While these ideas are plausible, there is one more idea that I think should be considered. Maybe she too, was put in the kingdom for “such a time as this.”

She had to have been fully aware of the ramifications possible for refusing to do what the king asked. She was the queen after all. Is it possible that she had a strong sense of self and viewed herself as more than just a display? Is it possible that she knew she would be going into a room full of drunken men and there was no telling what the king would ask of her then? Did she value the women who were the wives of some of the men and didn’t like the idea of being paraded in front of them? Could she have been prompted in advance to say, “no,” because God was working His plan? We don’t really know the reason she refused to go, but for whatever reason, because she did not go to the king, it paved the way for Esther to come in and soon save her people. After all, what if Vashti had complied? There would be no story of Esther.   

Whether Vashti was truly spoiled and thought herself “above the law”, or an amazing woman who knew her worth and wouldn’t violate that for a room full of drunk men, we will probably never truly know. Whatever she was, she played the part the Lord needed her to play and because of it we see miracles in behalf of the Jews through lovely Queen Esther.

Feel free to leave a comment! I read some of the traditions about Queen Vashti and they are all fascinating, but vary widely. Who do you think she was?

Broken

 

Tough as Nails, Built to Last,  Practically Perfect in Every Way. These slogans and thoughts seem to sum up what we strive for and yet they would deprive us of what we need most.

I think we underestimate the power and sanctity of being broken. Something that is whole and perfect does not need the touch of a Master. It holds its form and performs its function just fine, thank you very much. I mean really who wants a broken pitcher? No one, it will not hold water. That was what it was created for, right?

And yet, what if that pitcher needs to spend some more time in the Creator’s hands? What if that pitcher needs to be held more, talked to more, adjusted, glued and repainted? What if those cracks and pieces are essential for that pitcher, not to hold water, but to sit on a shelf and hold the last flowers a mother picked from her garden and are now dried and remembered daily by her child? What if instead of holding water, that pitcher is the unexpected safe place for the family’s meager savings? That brokenness didn’t change that the pitcher is needed and serves a purpose.

In Japan, they have Kintsugi. It is a tradition of taking a broken piece, maybe a teacup, and gluing it back together using gold, silver or platinum dusted epoxy. The idea being that there is beauty in things that are imperfect, that things should not be wasted, and that we need to accept change. Those are some pretty powerful and beautiful ideas.

The pharisees in ancient times were, in their minds, pretty darn close to perfect. They knew the law, they kept the law, unlike the dirty and flawed beings around them. Yet the Master came to the “flawed”  ones and they became more beautiful, worked into something new. Not wasted. Changed.

I no longer fear being broken, I fear not realizing when I am broken and needing to spend more time with my Creator, the Master Healer. I don’t want to be a wasted work. I am His creation. I am broken. I am able to be fixed by Him. My brokenness does not make me useless or worthless. On the contrary, I may be more valuable, more pleasing to the eye if I allow more time in the Master’s hands. 

Will We Betray Him?

 

Recently we heard a message at church called “Love Your Enemies” by Dallin H. Oaks https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/17oaks?lang=eng. Which has been rattling around in my mind for several weeks.

It is a great reminder during this very unsure time here in the United States as an election is looming. And I use the word looming, because many are feeling a sense of foreboding and dread, some are feeling a sense of optimism, and some seem to not care but are waiting for a fight. A fight to defend who was elected. A fight against who wasn’t elected.

I’ve heard people comment about this talk and say, “I hope they were listening.” Referring to “they” meaning those who don’t agree with them politically, or the “they” who may start fighting, rioting and looting, or the “they” who the person considers to be wrong.

In pondering all of this, I can’t help but think of the time as Jesus was preparing to leave His mortal life, His friends, His family, to atone for all of our sins. As He was sitting with His friends providing them a reminder of Him through the teaching and giving of the bread and wine, He said, “Verily I say unto you, One of you which eateth with me shall betray me.” And they began to be sorrowful, and to say unto him one by one, Is it I? and another said, Is it I?” Mark 14:18-19.

I have friends on both sides of the political spectrum who have, I believe, sincerely prayed about who to vote for and received, what I believe, very different answers.  What if this is because the answer isn’t based on the outcome of an election? God knows the outcome of the election already. He knows what is going to happen. His plan is sure and in place.

What if we need to be asking the question His disciples did at the last supper?

“Is it me?”

Will I betray the God I love and try to serve by being mean, hateful and vicious to those I disagree with? Will I call others uninformed, unenlightened, uneducated, stupid or idiots because they didn’t agree with my political views? Will I carry a grudge in my heart? Will I be constantly angry? Will I be unforgiving? Will I be pointing the finger of blame of our country’s ills at a differing political party? Will I forget the commandment to “love others as I have loved you”?

I don’t think the outcome of this election is the biggest problem in our country, I think the way we handle it may be.

In just one week’s time I heard of theft, vandalism and intimidation happening to friends, coming from both political parties. Do we really think one side is the ‘bad guy’ or can we try to see that any of us could become the “Judas” of the situation?

Maybe the biggest question we can be asking ourselves right now is not, “Who will I vote for? Or “Who did my neighbor vote for?” But “How will I love and treat those who vastly disagree with me?”

Will I still strive to see others the way Jesus would and treat them the way Jesus would?

Am I suggesting that there isn’t right and wrong? Absolutely not! And I believe we need to voice that. I am suggesting that maybe we need to listen a whole lot more. And dig a whole lot more to get to an understanding. There may be things that we and our “political opponents” disagree on, but that doesn’t mean we need to become enemies. I have a friend who is constantly posting his political views. I have been amazed to listen to the banter of his friends who totally disagree with him and at times it gets heated. And yet, the friendship and admiration of each other has not diminished. Why? Maybe because the idea of intelligent debate is a notable and attractive quality. Maybe because even if they agree to disagree, they still care enough about one another to recognize that the relationship is more important than the debate.

We may or may not like the outcome of the election. We need to be considering how our actions afterward reflect on the beliefs we have. Will we betray the God we love, like Judas? Will we maybe stumble a bit like Peter, and discover we don’t want to betray Him?

Can we trust God that He will get us through the outcome of this, just like He does with everything else? If we can trust Him, then let us not betray Him.

Coronavirus Prayer

As schools are now being shut down to try to lessen the spread of the coronavirus, parents are worried. As other schools are choosing not to close, teachers and parents are worried. Because of these worries, my prayers have changed.

Right now, I pray for the kids. The kids ages 5+ who are left home alone because their parent(s) don’t have the resources for daycare. The kids who may not have heat left on at home because mom can’t afford it and food too. The kids who won’t get the meals the school usually provides during those times. The kids who won’t get interaction from anyone other than the t.v. or computer, or possibly anyone at all depending on the financial circumstances of their family. I pray for the kids who are older and will suddenly have hours of unsupervised time and find temptations galore. I pray for the kids who are home alone, that they will choose to be helpful and get things done and take some of the burden off their parents.

My prayers are for the parents who are now stressing about leaving their kids home by themselves because their job is crucial. I pray for the parents who have to stay home with sick kids and are stressed about the money they will miss from not being able to work. For the parents who work really long hours or two jobs to provide and don’t get home till late, I pray they will remember to bring food home for their kids and that they will still have enough energy to give a little love and comfort. I pray for the parents of kids who are left at daycare, because there is no choice, that they will be taken care of and that they won’t get sick.

I pray for the families who have members that are already immuno-compromised and this is making them worry more.

I pray for the teachers whose schools are still going, that they will stay strong and healthy and continue to provide a healthy mind set for their students. I pray they will be extra aware of anyone who may be sick and need to go home. I pray that their worries may be lightened.

I pray that we will all be a bit kinder and more thoughtful to each other. I pray that if we see someone filling a car with toilet paper, maybe we will consider that they are buying it for their whole neighborhood. I pray that those who are hoarding it, will have their hearts softened and help care for those who have none. I pray that we will make a visit to the house of an elderly person we haven’t seen for a few days, to check on them and their needs. In cold areas, I pray that we will see if the elderly, the sick, those with babies, have adequate heat.

I pray that we will rise above our selfish tendencies and look out for each other. I pray that we will see, afresh, how much we need each other. I pray that each day I will be aware of who needs my help. Maybe my house-bound neighbor needs a fresh batch of library books, the elderly guy across the street needs some cans of soup or another box of Kleenex. Maybe the puzzles spilling from my closet can be shared with the kids down the street who are stir crazy. Maybe the friend I haven’t talked to in a long time just needs to hear from another adult before she goes nuts. There are so many ways we can reach out and take care of each other. While we are kicking this virus to the street, let’s do the same with our selfishness.

I pray that we will find humor in this, that we will remember to laugh. It is awesome medicine and unlike a virus, it is best when we share it with others.

Finally, I pray that we will be able to see the goodness in others as they answer the prayers only God can hear.

#Coronavirus #Prayer #HelpEachOther

40 Day Sugar Fast

Last January, I participated in Wendy Speake's 40 day sugar fast. It was life changing!

Because of that I want to share a few thoughts as well as Wendy's new book.

There are a lot of things that I am willing to give up for a short period of time, but sugar is a tough one for me. Doing so made me very aware of some bad habits I was in. Turning to chocolate when I was tired, lonely, bored, or just craving. But that never made me feel better for long. Often I just had to have more. Sometimes I regretted it quickly because I knew better. During this fast, I came to realize it had become a false god for me. 

What I really wanted was to be filled with Jesus, the love of my Heavenly Father, and the power of the Holy Ghost. 

I learned how weak I am, and ultimately how strong He is. And also how faithful He is. He did not leave me in something as seemingly simple or unimportant as a sugar fast. 

I went through the pride cycle. I was not happy at the beginning. Then I tried to replace sugar with other things (in marched chips and salsa). Then I got past the cravings and got a little prideful that I was doing just fine. Then I was humbled to realize that it was only because I had Heavenly help. 

Wanting to get closer to Him cleaned up my habits, my thinking, my desires. 

If you are wanting to experience some interesting transformation both physically and spiritually, I highly recommend doing the 40 day sugar fast!
#WendySpeake #40daysugarfast #Spiritualtransformation #Lifechanging

Feasting Time

When one of our boys was really little, he had some eating issues. Well, ok, the reality was he just hardly ate anything. I vividly remember getting him ready for a bath one night and looking at his little body, now about 18 months old. His tummy was big and distended looking atop the scrawniest little legs and I suddenly had visions of the babies in third world countries and fear entered my heart.

He had no medical issues at that time that would create this. It wasn't until years later that we discovered he had serious texture issues relating to food and lots of other things he couldn't express until he was older. I had a friend whose mother-in-law was a dietician and spoke to her about my concerns. She gave us some much needed advice and said something that has stayed with me. "He knows how it feels to be empty, but he doesn't know how it feels to be full."

Wow! In a world where abundance of food is readily available and snacks are everywhere, it can be hard to imagine in our first world coziness to comprehend not feeling full.

And yet, do we experience this spiritually?

When was the last time you felt spiritually full?

Was it one day? A moment? An extended period of your life? If so, what led to that?

Was it from reading a passage in scripture that spoke to your spirit so deeply, you felt completely loved?

Was it through the voice of the Spirit whispering just what you needed to hear?

Was it the power of a blessing?

Was it a prayer answered in a way only you could appreciate?

If we are not ever feeling "full" spiritually, we need to!

What prevents that full feeling?
Is it that we lack the spiritual food we need?

Recently I had a day I felt full to overflowing! I could not stop myself from praying in pure gratitude for God's blessings to me, for His strength in my weakness, for the family and friends to be with me in this journey. And now weeks later, I'm trying to remember what led to that. I remember waking and praying and spending time in scripture. I went about all of my daily craziness, carpool, volunteering in the classroom, the store, and in between all of those things I listened to uplifting music. And somehow my spirit just could not be contained. I was literally spilling words of gratitude out.

I think it was that I was feasting. I had been going to Him regularly in prayer and spending time feasting on the word. I was filling up my spirit with good music. I was giving my spirit exactly what it needed and doing it abundantly, and then I was full.

I'm not sure this will happen every day, but that full feeling makes me want more. Of all the cravings I've ever had, this by far is the best one.

Psalms 107:9 "For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness."

Just like filling our bellies takes some work and some time, so does filling our souls. But it is the most satisfying fufillment we will ever have!

If you need me to pray for you in being filled up, respond to this blog and I will get right on it! If you know someone who is empty, pray for them to be filled, get specific! God loves to answer our prayers for each other!

What Do You Do?

What do you do when the answer to your many prayers is, "No."

How do you accept that you will not be healed, your family will continue to struggle, the job you want will not be forthcoming, the child you love will continue to make bad choices, the person who has hurt you will never apologize, the help you are seeking will not be provided, that your lot is to endure?

How do you endure when your heart is absolutely broken, your faith is stretched to the breaking point, you can barely convince yourself to keep breathing because even that feels like more than you can do?

I remember hard things coming my way in college, and making it. Somehow those things seem so miniscule now. Which means that someday what I am enduring now will seem so small.

But if I survived back then, I can survive now. So looking back, how did I do it?

I kept doing the things I knew were good and right, even when it seemed like I was simply going through the motions. I went to church, read my scriptures, served others- even when and especially when- I was dying inside.

I didn't give up on the notion that this was all in God's hands. There were many times I wondered if my prayers were reaching past the ceiling, but I would not stop calling on Him, hoping He was listening, waiting for His answers.

What do I do now? These very same things. Only this time more often than not, when I'm reading my scriptures I'm searching for those words that bring me peace, scrolling through for wisdom lurking in the spaces I have glossed over. Looking for wisdom in the white spaces. Waiting for breathings from the Spirit in the quiet loneliness.

I serve others a little more aware that their struggles are as real and painful as mine, so the service is little more sincere and a lot more from a place of compassion.

I refuse to believe this isn't all in His hands, but that doesn't mean I have gotten wise enough to let Him carry it. Unfortunately, I still have a lot of work in that area. I still struggle even knowing how to turn it all over to Him. I hear people say it, I hear it in songs, I just haven't figured out how exactly to do it right now. Instead I  tend to say, "I give up, I don't care anymore." Which is far from true.

I dig a bit deeper in holding onto trust that the Creator of this life knows what He is doing even when I don't and that all things will work together for my good. Trust that He is my adoring Father and wants to give me great things, in His own time. Trust that He will not let me go, even when I am wondering where He is.

I find myself spending more time trying to discover who He is and what He wants because that calls my attention away from myself. I'm finding that the more I try to discover Him, the less I worry about my own circumstances.

The Hunt

In the shadow of my mind’s eye, I vaguely see the trunks of gigantic trees dotting the soft green grass. Glints of bright color light up the grass in hundreds of places.  The chatter is all around me as hundreds of little kids stand there with baskets. I’m standing with my parents and grandparents not really understanding what is going on. A loud voice from somewhere announces that the little kids will go first when the sound is made, followed by another sound for the next group and so on. Then the seeking began. Holding our baskets we all toddled forward to the closest bit of color and picked it up. The eggs were pretty colors and attractive, but often disappeared under the hands of someone bigger or faster. As a very young child the wonder of having one of those brightly colored eggs was wonderful.

As an adult I have since watched other large volume Easter Egg hunts and have observed several things that seem especially poignant today. Have you seen the very small toddlers find one egg and being so enamored with the one, that they could care less about the treat inside?  Then there are those collecting as many as possible, but not really realizing anything is inside. There are the kids who know there is candy inside and are scooping up every egg they can find, even willing to take ones in front of someone else.  There are the older kids who realize they need to leave the obvious ones on the ground for the little kids and start seeking a bit. Many of the oldest head straight for the trees or high spots or start looking in the unusual places because they want the challenge.

As I was watching my kids hunt for eggs, and other kids hunting I thought about the kind of parent our Heavenly Father is. He very much wants us to find Him. At first, there are signs everywhere. If we are looking at all we can see His majesty in everything. Little kids tend to do this. They take the time to examine a flower up close or lay on the ground and watch the sky. Like the egg hunt, they likely don’t realize the treasure they found or where it came from, they are just enjoying this beautiful thing. In time, we learn to appreciate His gifts a bit more as we realize the “sweetness” in them. We learn that a flower may be more than beautiful, it may be able to scent a whole room. Or perhaps it can take a person to a special event in their memory.

We begin to look a little more for His gifts after a while. They may be a bit less appreciated as we have gotten accustomed to seeing them daily. But every now and then we catch a glimpse and realize He is there and still giving us good gifts.

Eventually we may have “matured” a bit and we can’t find the eggs so easily. They are there. They are still freely offered, but they are more elusive. We have to put more effort into finding them. Our amazing Father has never taken those sweet treats away, but He is expecting us to do a bit more work. Deuteronomy 4:29 states “But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.”

Our Father wants to be found. He wants to make Himself known to us. He glories in daily blessing us with His little treasures. And He knows that the seeking is part of the adventure, part of the fun, part of what makes the finding of His treasures exciting!  Just like looking for eggs as a kid, He gives us incremental steps for the finding. Easy and very visable at first, but in time knowing we need more of a challenge.

“Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.” 1 Chronicles 16:11.

How do we seek for the Lord?

How do we seek for a child? We think of their interests and where they like to be and look there.

Where does the Lord like to be? I find His handprint in His creations. When I take a close look at a sunset, a flower, a bird, a lizard or a mountain, I get to know Him better. I get to see Him as a diverse creator with an amazing imagination (seriously, think of a seahorse), I see him as a master artist (recall a beautiful sunset), an incredible scientist (think of the design of a bird’s wing).

Where is He? I see evidence of Him all around me. I see Him in people taking care of someone else, a mother drying a child’s tears, a father working endless hours to provide for his family, a son taking care of a sick parent, a child being kind to the new kid.

How can I get to know Him better? My answer to this is the scriptures. If you want to get to know a person, their autobiography is probably a good place to go. When I read the Old Testament, I see a God who would not give up on His people, even though they gave Him every reason to do so. The more I read, the better I understand what He wants to give His children, and how very much His children do not understand. When I read the New Testament, I see the evidence of an incomprehensible love. The giving of a beloved Son as the means for meeting the demands of justice and the unbelievable obedience of the most loving Son.

If we are struggling to see our Father and get to know Him, it may be time to look around at the little eggs of love He has left lying around. See them with fresh eyes, take the time to examine more closely what He has put right in front of us.  It may also be time to look around a little more at how He is blessing not only us but others through the gift of each person He put in our lives. We should also daily, be checking out His works in the scriptures. He has revealed Himself in them and we can get to know Him better if we are reading them regularly.

He wants us to get to know Him, He has put evidences all around us. But He won’t do the hunting for us! We have to do some of the work! And that work will be so worth the reward of the sweetest relationship we will ever know!

Scripture Relations

Who do you relate to in the scriptures?

Are you a Job figure? Has the Lord allowed nearly everything to be taken from you? Your wealth, your family, friends, home? Your health? Are you wondering if there is anything left to take?

Are you a Peter? A follower with faith that some moments is way up there, you can say with certainty who Christ is, and then moments later be faltering and not wanting to drown in the waves.

Are you a Martha? Wanting to have the Savior with you, but finding that in trying to ready everything you fail to see Him right there wanting you to sit with Him and listen?

Are you a Sarah? Believing that the Lord is there, but laughing when it is suggested that He will work a miracle in you?

Are you a Paul? Someone who has scoffed at the notion of a Savior, ridiculed those who believe?

Are you the woman at the well? Ashamed of the circumstances you are living in because they go against what you know to be true?

Are you the woman suffering for years with a health issue that has exhausted your resources, and your spirit?

Are you the man with the child who is full of a bad spirit that is tearing up your child?

The scriptures are full of people. People who have experienced all of these things. Things that can draw us away from Him. Things that turn our heads and hearts.

But there is a common theme with all of them, in the wide variety of circumstances they were in.

Could they choose to believe?

Could they choose to change?

Could they choose to have faith?

Could they choose to listen?

Job had everything taken from him: family, friends, home, wealth, health. But he would not choose to walk away from God.
Peter, in the darkest hour, in a raging storm, would call out and reach toward the Savior.
Martha would accept rebuke and listen.
Sarah would laugh and then accept the miracle she had waited many years for.
Paul would allow his heart to be changed and embrace new belief, new hope and a life of teaching.
The woman at the well would admit her circumstances to the Lord and beg for the living water that she so desperately wanted.
The woman with the issue of blood would, even in her exhaustion and weakened state, reach out her hand to touch the garment of the Lord.
The man would recognize his lack of enough faith, to ask for the faith he needed to believe that the Savior could cast out the devil and heal his broken child.
I love these people!

Their stories speak to my heart.

I feel their brokenness, I feel their speck of faith.

I compare myself to them at different times, in different situations.

The gift of these stories is precious to me, because I know I'm not alone in the times I'm struggling to believe, and in the times that my heart wants to sing out from the roof top!

I hope, if you are struggling in your faith, that you will find someone in the scriptures to relate to. That you will stand with them in your struggle and hold on, hold out, and wait upon the Lord.

I hope that if you are bursting at the seams in your faith, that you will boldly announce, "This is Christ, the Son of the Living God." And be not ashamed. That you will point out and call out the miracles you see and the truths that are all around us.

I hope that the scriptures will help you in wherever your walk in faith may be now and in the days you live out. They help me, they guide me, they give me strength.

God lives! He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to you and to me. Be not afraid. Only believe.

Fasting and Preparing

Hi, my name is Cheryl. I am a sugarholic. More specifically a chocoholic.

I love chocolate! No really, it's bad. I love hot chocolate, chocolate cake, certain chocolate bars. Yeah, I've gotten to be kind of a snob about it. There is certain chocolate I won't even eat, because it just doesn't taste good enough. I may not be a chocolate sommelier, but I can keep training.

Which brings me to the realization that I have a problem. Yep, an addiction.

So a few months ago, it became pretty clear to me I needed to do something about it. But the holidays were coming and really??? Besides we only get about 2 weeks of the year when it is actually cold enough here to drink hot chocolate and I love it! 

After realizing I needed to take action, but not really having the motivation, I kept the thought rattling around in my brain. Then I saw that a woman named Wendy Speake who is in my Christian Writer's group was having a 40 day sugar fast. So I signed up. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1769909659899118/

It was starting in January, and that worked out for me. Best of all, the idea was not just to eliminate sugar, but it was also to fill up with Christ. Now that I could get on board with!

I don't think I've ever done a real 40 day fast. Not even back in my Catholic school days during Lent. Yes, we all joked about giving up candy for 40 days, but back then it was a whole lot easier. We only got candy at school on Valentine's day, right before Christmas, and Easter. Plus, I was never truly focused on the purpose of giving up something in preparation of Easter.

I have truly welcomed this learning opportunity. I have been fed spiritually, been hungry physically, been proud, been humbled, felt empty, felt full, felt the Spirit, felt spiritually empty. And, the 40 days isn't up yet!

I know that before Jesus started His ministry, He fasted for 40 days. That speaks volumes! The purpose of fasting is to get closer to God and be spiritually prepared for the ministry or mission He has for us.

Let me share some of what I've experienced.

The first 10 days were rough! I found myself trying to fill up on any food that didn't have sugar in it! Really! That led to my first humbling realization. I was still trying to fill up fear, loneliness, exhaustion, etc. with food. I came to realize that was what all that sugar chasing was for. I knew I needed and wanted more than that! Each day of her fast we have focused on a particular set of scriptures, mostly in the book of Matthew and podcasts that have been uplifting. I started spending more time in scripture, more time in prayer (mostly for help to not succumb to the temptation) and more time evaluating myself and my intentions. For example, I decided to also fast from getting on the scale. I did not want this to turn into a numbers driven fast.

Then I started noticing that the cravings were pretty much at bay and that I was filling up on better food. Which was super exciting because I really did want the good stuff. But also, I was finding not just wanting better food, I wanted to be filling up mentally and spiritually with better things. I wanted what would stick with me during the day and what would stick with me when I was wavering in my mind and in my spirit.

About this time, I noticed that my mind was getting much clearer. I was thinking better, I wasn't nearly as tired all the time. I also noticed a bit more when the Spirit was prompting me to say or do something. That said, I'm finding I need to focus on that more. Because even still I'm finding how often I ignore those promptings.

So then came the pride. Yup, it blasted me. "Hey, I'm totally doing this, no sugar for 3 weeks, I've got this! Plus, I think maybe a few pounds came off because my pants were fitting better. Nothing like that to make a woman proud, right? Ugh!! Again, a painful reminder of my humanness and how much I need to overcome! I also noticed that I was starting to snack, yes healthy snacks, sugar free but still snacking, which I wanted to also get rid of! Time to fill up on humble pie again!

Now, with less than 2 weeks left, I'm noticing that 40 days is much longer than I realized, and yet not long enough. The snacking habit and the cravings are coming back, reminding me of where I was and where I don't want to go again. Reminding me that as I've gotten more energy back and am doing more, I'm doing less for my spirit. Reminding me that I need help. Just like my eating life, in my real life I need the power of my Savior. I cannot do this without Him. The song, "I Need Thee Every Hour" has come to mind. Oh how I need Him.

This fast has been so good for me! I'm looking forward already to Lent, because this year unlike any other, I will have a better appreciation for the season leading up to Easter. It for sure has helped me appreciate my Savior and what He did to prepare for His ministry. I know full well I couldn't go 40 days without food and water, but He didn't ask me to. I just need to follow Him the best I can.

Thank you Wendy Speake, Asheritah Ciuciu, Elisa Pulliam, Kasia Gilbert, Sarah Washington Bragg, Sarah Leach, Katie Reid, Becky Keife, Jane Manka, for teaching me, and to the many women in the group who have been so supportive! It has been a wonderful journey, I'm so glad it's not over yet! 

The Imposter

A few months ago I went to a writing conference. My first ever. I was surrounded by well published authors, amazing teachers, editors, mentors and friends. It was a fantastic experience!

Then I came home and tried to write. That thing that I do. That part in me that feels real and even more, who I want to be. But I suddenly had this tremendously uncomfortable feeling that I was an imposter. I was filled with self-doubt. “Who do you think you are? A REAL writer, yeah right, you barely pulled a C in a college writing class. Your blog is limping along. You self-published for crying out loud!!” All these thoughts consumed me, crippled me in all honesty. I kept sitting at my computer trying to write and the word, “IMPOSTER!!!!” kept screaming in my head. 

I addressed it with my writing community and was so sweetly reminded that I am a writer. Even if it is only stringing a few thoughts together and getting them on paper, that qualifies me, loving it confirms me, wanting to get better at it fills me. Those feelings may wax and wane and that is okay. This is a process. A LONG process.

I made the comparison this week to another deep part of me. I am a Christian. I believe in Christ. And in my believing I often feel like an imposter. I feel at times as though I’m not good enough to consider myself a “believer." Because a believer wouldn’t mess up as frequently as I do, wouldn’t ever doubt, wouldn’t ever wonder if God had forgotten about her, wouldn’t question why these super hard things were happening in her life. A believer would never yell at her kids, or make an unkind comment, judge a stranger, or get mad about the state the world is in. A true believer would be above all that. 

Right?

Wrong!!!

I am a true believer even in my small imperfect ways. I believe in Christ and I believe Christ. 

I believe that He makes up for all I lack. I believe that He has faith in me to change, in time. I believe that He can see the whole picture of where I was at and where I am going and that I am trying each day to do better. 

Foremost, I believe that He already paid the price for every mistake I make. He has that much love and faith in who I am. 

Like my sweet writing group helping me to remember who I am and who I want to be, my Savior already truly knows who I am. He knows I am a believer. 

He also knows that I need the process of studying things out and finding out for myself so He allows my doubts.

He knows I want to become more like Him and He allows me to stumble on the path and sometimes wander off, because He is there and can always find me, and always has band-aids. 

He knows that it is a process to change and He has already paid for all the mistakes I have made and will make.

He knows that as a believer, I will offer to pray for and with you when I don’t know what else to do. 

He knows that I will testify of Him.

He knows that I will find joy in the scriptures and try to share that with anyone who might listen and sometimes those who won’t.

He knows that I will keep trying and that I will keep coming to Him because I frequently find myself looking for answers.

He knows that I often say, “I give up! I don’t know what to do!” But keep on trying because I won’t give up. I may keep doing the same dumb thing, but I won’t stop trying.

He knows all of these things and He is okay with this fledgling believer who wants to be more.

He won’t give up on me.

And I testify that He won’t and hasn’t given up on you! No matter what your circumstances are, no matter how lost you may feel, no matter what you have done, He is there.

You are not an imposter! He loves you because He knows you! You cannot fake Him out. It is impossible. He knows you!

Only someone who believes in each of us would hurt for us, pay our debt and then die for us. He has done this.

So if you ever have a day or an hour that you feel like an imposter, stop! Remind yourself that you are not to Him. God made you and loves you and knows you. He will always be waiting for you to call out to Him. He will be there with band-aids and healing cream. He will tell you the way back home and He will walk it with you. 

To Him, you are not an imposter. You are a believer!