Tree, Bush or Rock?

Years ago we went to tour the Bio Sphere II. It was a huge experiment here in the United States where scientists got together and created a "mini earth" and locked themselves in for a year to learn about it. They could only eat what they had inside, which was mostly what they harvested. There was a rain forest, and an ocean, a desert area, farm area, etc.

On the tour, they used to spend a lot of time telling what the scientists discovered. One thing they said really struck us. They said that the trees grew very tall and straight very quickly. But then they would break off. They puzzled over this and wondered why they grew so well, but didn't grow strong. Then they realized that the trees were lacking something, wind.

In order for a tree to grow properly, it needs wind.

It can grow tall and it can grow quickly and have its leaves to photosynthesize, but it cannot grow strong without the resistance of wind.

This week I was listening to a pod cast that reminded me that God is like the Master Gardener, he knows what he needs to prune  in order for it to produce a bounteous harvest. That pruning may not feel so good to the bush at the time to have things snipped off, and sometimes even branches cut off so it can become beautiful and fruitful.

After talking to a friend who is facing a very long, very hard, very uphill battle, I was thinking about diamonds. To get a brilliant diamond, it has to first be found, mined, and then ground and cut by a master diamond cutter to become this beautiful sparkling gemstone. That sounds like a really awful process, but it is necessary if the diamond is to be worth anything.

There may be times in our lives where we are like the trees, needing some wind to blow to make us strong, at times even some really strong winds.

Other times we may need some pruning, have some dead or diseased ideas or traits 'cut off' so that we can then produce our very best.

Then there are times, like the diamond, we may have a lot of hard stuff that needs to be chiseled off, ground down, to reach that gem which then has to be cut, to shine brilliantly.

I don't know too many people right now whose lives are just smooth sailing. Many put on a good face and make it look like everything is ok or even fabulous, but that may be the moment they are just needing a little breeze in their lives. For others, it can look and seem as though they are being tumbled around with other rocks, chipping off the hard outside covering.

Whatever place you may be in in your life, know that The Master knows exactly what He is doing in you. He created you for His purpose and He knows what that is. Maybe you will be a strong tree that will provide shade, relief and protection to others.

Maybe he created you to produce a bounteous harvest of words or kind works. He knows what and when to prune so you can bring forth an incredible harvest of goodness.

Maybe you will be the diamond, that has to be ground down and cut and polished to become a valuable treasure.

Or maybe you will find seasons of all of these in your life.

I do.

Sometimes it is incredibly hard to remember all of this, especially when it seems the gale force winds won't stop. It can be so hard to remember there is purpose in all the struggles and hard things that seem to be trying to crush the life, when in actuality they are purposed to give a greater life.

I'm writing it down so maybe I will remember a little better.

Grow strong my friend, the harvest is coming and you will shine incredibly. He knows His plan for you.

Independence Day

Today in America it is Independence Day, also known as the 4th of July. It is a day off for many, marked by picnics, bbq's, pool parties, apple pie, and hot dogs.

Historically it is the day when the Declaration of Independence was signed. 56 men, in effect, signed their lives to that document. They become traitors to the King. They were no longer wanting British rule or protection. John Hancock signed it big, he knew there was no going back, nor did he want to. Many of these men lost fortunes because of this, some lost the most; they lost their lives. We can never underestimate the incredible sacrifice these men made to forge a new nation. Nor should we ignore the months and years of discussion, contemplation, concern, and for many, prayer that went in to this decision. It was life altering as well for every person living in this country at that time.

This morning my husband sat our boys down and talked about the Declaration. A copy hangs on our living room wall. It was signed 241 years ago. 56 names are inscribed on it. I often look at those names boldly signed. Who can possibly comprehend the feelings of these men as they did so?

Great freedoms come at great cost.

How many millions of men and women world wide have lost their lives in the quest for freedom? Freedom from tyranny, oppression, and evil.

Maintaining freedom has taken  a lot of work and sacrifice since that original Declaration. It took a civil war to gain the freedoms of the slaves, and continual battles since then to maintain and expand those freedoms.
Our country has battled for our rights as well as the rights of others, something that I'm grateful for as a citizen.

When I think about this, I cannot help but see a parallel.

Our Savior gave Himself so we could have freedom from the wages of sin. He gave Himself up at great cost. Maintaining our freedom from sin takes work. It takes us each and every day choosing to continue on the path we have chosen in following our Savior.

It comes as we battle the sins that do so easily beset us. Sins of coveting that which our neighbor has, the sin of turning away someone in need, the sin of bearing false witness against a neighbor, or killing someone's reputation or their chance of success for our own gain.

I think a lot about our Founding Fathers. While they were imperfect men, I believe they had great intentions and they were willing to put their lives on the line for it.

I've been asking myself today what I want to declare independence from.

I declare independence from the false notion that I have to be perfect and that my family needs to be perfect.
I declare independence from thinking my best efforts aren't good enough, because someone else could do it better.
I declare independence from lack of faith. From lacking the faith that God will indeed help me make it through this life.
I declare independence from thinking that I'm not enough. Like the widow's mites, my little bit given from the best in me will always be enough.
I declare independence from the fear of raising my children. Each day I worry that I'm not doing enough to teach them, guide them, be patient with them.
I can declare this independence today because like our Founding Fathers, I believe it is the right thing to do. It is time to sign my name with a big flourish and trust that my Father has this all in His hands. That each and every day I can let go of my fears and grasp on to faith and trust. What I hope to see happen may not, but if I turn my life to his hands, He can definitely steer me through what needs to happen in my life.

Each and every day it is my battle to align myself with Him and what He would have me do.
As I do this, I know I cannot go wrong.

Knowing that gives me freedom!

What will you declare independence from?

Today and every day, I wish you a happy Independence Day!

Realm Squasher

Last night as my husband and I were talking about a particular child who is in a competitive sport, but doesn't want to be, we realized that competing against others just isn't his thing.

Thinking about it in the light of day and examining my heart, I've come to some ugly and true realizations.

I have a child who HATES school. He will never come home with a straight A report card.

I have a child who struggles with some really serious anxiety issues. To the point of not being able to go to the bathroom when he needs to because he is overly anxious.

I have a child who was repeatedly told to fix some things in his performance to get a better score and try as he might he couldn't, until we took the pressure of competing off and then the improvement came.

What does that mean for me?

Here's where it gets ugly.

I have to realize that I am never going to be able to brag about my child's academic successes. He probably won't go to an ivy league school (bonus: we don't have to pay for ivy league). No matter how smart he is, he will not achieve the successes that come in the "regular" academic world. I also have to accept that what I always hoped for him, may not be what makes him happy.

I have a child who will never compete in the sport he enjoys, because competition shuts him down from making progress. So we will see his progress. No one else will, and there are no ribbons or trophies for those who don't compete.

We may have to homeschool the one who is so anxious he spends too much time in the bathroom agonizing over his fears. No smiling from risers and cute waves into the audience.

All those bragging rights about acceptance letters, trophies and ribbons, Christmas concerts and Spring Sings with waving smiling kiddos, are not going to be our regular world. We take them when we can and thoroughly enjoy them. I am becoming increasingly aware that I will not have the kind of Facebook posts, or Instagram pictures that let the world know how amazing and wonderful my kids are.

I'll admit it. It kind of makes me sad.

It makes me sad, that as their mom I wanted/needed bragging rights.

That even for a moment I wanted people to look at me and say "She is an amazing mom, look at what her kids have achieved."

That doing what's right for my kids may have taken a back seat to what all the expectations are for those who are "successful."

Writing this I realize I keep saying "my kids."  These are not my kids, they are precious sons of a Heavenly Father who has let them come to my home for a little while. They are children of God. They just happen to be in my care for a while.

I need to stop looking for the world to give them trophies and accolades because those will all go away.

I need to look for Him to give me guidance as to how to raise them.

I need to see them as He does. Just as importantly, they need to see themselves as He does.

I need to stop seeing them as potential Facebook fodder and more as precious gifts, gifts that will mature and move away.

I need to help them realize who they are and that no college acceptance or rejection, last place trophy or concert defines who they really are in my eyes or His.

I need to realize that in the scholastic realm, sports realm, I can do it all realm, our kiddos may not be participants. Ultimately those realms don't matter. They may seem important for a while, and they can teach important things. But in the wholeness of life, they are dust collectors, and pride enhancers. I don't need any more dust collectors. I'm already struggling with my pride, I don't need any more to get over, thank you very much.

So I guess I am a realm squasher. Pretty sure I might put that on my next resume. It's actually starting to sound catchy to me.

Dancing in the Storm

I recently returned from the privilege of joining with several other women in taking 27 girls between the ages of 12 and 18 to camp.

In the woods.

In tents.

For five days.

And it was fantastic!

It was such an honor to be surrounded by these amazing young girls and awesome leaders! And I feel like I had one suspicion confirmed for me: girls smell better than boys. Even after five days of camping.

I digress.

There was an afternoon that was set aside for us to take the girls to a lake and do some canoeing. Just after lunch as we were talking about it, the sky quickly started clouding up. As I looked, I couldn't help but think about the coming storm and what that would do to our chance of canoeing. But, undaunted we set out. On the way, it started raining. I'm not talking a light sprinkle, or even a steady drip. I'm talking pouring!

Then it went from pouring to hailing! Yes, hailing!!!!

But we continued to the lake. Hoping that maybe the storm had already passed the lake. No such luck!

When we got there, the storm was coming. We said a prayer that if possible, the storm would pass us, but if not that all would be well.

So we waited out the storm.

We did it dancing.

We turned on the music in one of the trucks and danced in the parking lot. We got rained on just a bit.

Sure enough, about a half hour later the storm had worked its work and the clouds were skeedaddling away, we got the girls on the water and had a great time. We even saw a bald eagle!

Here's what I took away from this experience.

The storms will come.

Sometimes, when we pray, the Lord will remove the storm and get it clearly out of our midst.

But often, He allows the storm and gives us a chance to wait it out.

But why? Why doesn't He just make it go away already? What about our plans?

Well, the storm has its purpose too. Maybe that bit of ground needs rain. Maybe that rain will put out a small fire. Maybe that lightning will start a needed fire. Maybe that storm will make us wait and learn patience. Maybe that storm will give us the chance to dance.

I don't know why some storms come to us.

I know in one of the big storms in my life I have been saying for a long time, "go away, I'm tired" but it hasn't gone away. I know I'm far more patient than I was years ago. I know I have far more endurance that I did before battling many storms. But I also know, I'm not there yet. I'm not at the end. He still has more for me to learn and experience.

And maybe, this time, or for just one day I will be wise enough to accept the storm, turn up the music and dance through it, knowing He has a purpose in it.

That may sound very easy and even idealistic. Right now, in the midst of the storm, it is even hard to write. But the reality is I need a break from looking at, wondering what will come of it, and trying to anticipate what will come next. I need to let go and just dance.

Do you?

If so, turn up the tunes, dance your little heart out and let the rain fall. It will fall no matter what, so we may as well turn our faces to it, let it wash us, and pull out that smile that may need dusting off from the storms we are in the midst of.

If you are on the other side of the storm, thank the Lord for helping you make it through and maybe you could turn on some music for someone who is in one. If you are headed into one, pull out your raingear: the scriptures, prayers, words of those who inspire you to find the Lord. And load up on music that uplifts and inspires you, and put your dancing shoes on. For those somewhere in the middle, don't give up!! Keep praying and fasting and holding to the promises of God.

And in the words of Lee Ann Womack, "I hope you dance!"

Best Darn Pencil Tapper

Right now, I have to say something that is just tugging on my heart.

It's awards time.

There are the awards ceremonies for the kids that have the best grades and have achieved amazing scholastic heights. And there are the kids who come home with the paper certificates that say things like "Best Door Greeter", or "Best Speller", "Most Cheerful", and so on.

There are times when I just think it's silly how many meaningless awards we give out, because we think everyone has to have one.

But now, as a Momma, there is an award I have to give. "Best Darn Pencil Tapper."

Because I have one. He is an amazing pencil tapper. He's got rhythym, and endurance (he can probably tap longer and harder than the honor students), and can drive an entire class nuts in record time.

Why does he deserve this award?

Watch out, this is where my heart is so full.

You see, this kid goes to school day after day and year after year putting on his "good face" when inside he is dying. No one else but his family gets to see that. None of his teachers have seen his absolute frustration knowing that no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much tutoring he goes to, he doesn't understand until about 2 months after the test, but by then he is already 6 or 7 other tests behind.

He gets the assignments in all his classes and his brain shuts down from overload. He thinks about all the assignments and realizes that it is like gathering feathers on a windy day. He will not be able to gather all that information from his brain, let alone compile it all into a brilliant paper with annotations.

After days of encouragement from his family he chooses one assignment, the one making a video, spends days on it, and turns it in late because he couldn't get it to export to the right place. And rather than ask for help, he silently, again, struggles knowing there was another thing he couldn't do right.

He looks at the other kids who put out papers as though Shakespeare lives in their back pockets, fly through the math like Einstein, and generally succeed at everything placed in front of them, and silently aches that that is not him.

Oh, he has gotten the paper certificates at times for being the best pencil sharpener, etc. but what I really wish is that his teachers could comprehend what is going on in his brain. How much he wants to succeed, and now after so many years of "school failures" doesn't believe it is possible, or shuts down completely after one failure, because really, why try anymore?

So for my son, and for all the other pencil tappers out there, I want to take a minute and honor you.

I applaud you for going anyway. For each and every day that you walk into those schools where no one really understands, way to go.

For trying over and over again, even if it is only because your mom or dad begged you to try again, because you love your parents you keep trying.

For not acting on the intense anger and frustration you feel about not being able to do it "right."

For being the nice kid, who really understands that there are other kids who also don't get it and you don't make fun of or belittle others or their ideas.

For being the class crack up, because without you some weeks, or months all that would happen would be the same old, boring, day to day stuff.

For being the kid who has a head full of miscellaneous ideas and info, because that is how you think and process in small, random bits.

For being the kid who has the wild and crazy ideas that make for fun videos, interesting science experiments and fun lunch times.

For being the kid who makes friends with everyone, because you know how it feels to be labeled, and looked down on.

There is so much to love about you and celebrate in you!

Your grades are really just a letter on a piece of paper. Yes, those letters can get you places, for a while, and I don't want you to give up on doing your best.

Those other parts of you, are the qualities you will carry into the rest of your life. When you are 40, no one will know or care what you got in High School English. But they will know if they can count on you to help in a crises, they will know if they can trust you with a burden they are carrying, they will know that if they fail, you will not see them as a failure.

Congratulations my pencil tapper!

You are the Best Darn Pencil Tapper I know!

I'm so proud of who you really are!

I love you!

Prime Real Estate

I will probably never forget our first house buying experience, which was years ago, and subsequent buying experiences since then.

We were shopping in a particular price point and seeing what we could get over a period of several weeks. We saw everything: cookie cutter homes where you could get lost trying to find yours because it looked like most of the other homes on the street, homes that were older and had charm, ones that had been "let go" and others that were "well maintained."  We weren't seeing what we were hoping for or really anything we wanted to invest our money in, especially when we were just starting out and this was the biggest investment either of us had ever signed our names to.

One day, taking a break, we decided to visit a new home subdivision and tour the houses.

They usually have several models at different price points and you tour all of them, which we did.
It didn't take long for me to utter, "I would never pay that much money for this house!" To which the realtor replied, "Then it's not the house for you."

I have come to realize that she meant more than she said. Of course, if I fell in love with it because it was everything I ever wanted, I would probably go to a lot of trouble to figure out a way to buy it. I would want to snatch it up immediately before anyone else could. It wouldn't be the house for me, if I couldn't see the potential in it.

If I put my house on the market, I will tend to want to sell it for what it is worth to me. I know all of its charms and perks. I know the quirks and flaws better than anyone. Some houses we have put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into, to make it what we needed/wanted it to be. Because of what it has meant to me and my family and perhaps because of the joys or memories tied to it, that will elevate the price.  Because it means something to me.

How do you personally feel about being prime real estate?

Do you realize that you are?

I'm serious here.

Do you realize that God designed and built you just the way you are, just the way He wanted you? He knows all your charms and perks, He knows all your flaws and quirks. He knew the home He built and what you would be able to make of it.

Then He sent His Son to pay the highest price to get you back.

He paid that much for you! You are his cherished prize! He wants you back and the paperwork has already been signed!

How often do we feel we will never be enough? We can never make up for our mistakes, we can never fix what we have messed up. That a renovation is impossible because we just can't afford it.

He has already claimed you as PRIME REAL ESTATE! He is willing to make any necessary renovations. You have been paid for!!

Look at you! Do you need some touch ups? Maybe so, WHO DOESN'T????

But don't let that stop you from seeing yourself as He sees you!

And don't let that stop you from letting Him come settle in on your front porch or in your living room to share time with you and love with you. He wants to!

Don't forget the value of Prime Real Estate.

He Can Handle It

The other day I was reading some replies on a post someone made asking why people stopped going to church.

One response grabbed my heart.

It was from a young woman who said she quit going to church because she was mad at God.

Have you ever been mad at God?

I will admit it, I have.

Not just a little bit, a lot.

That is a really hard thing to admit out loud. But this anger came from utter and complete heartbreak. This wasn't just a "you didn't give me what I wanted" spoiled frustration, and I am in no way advocating that!

This was a "my heart is completely broken, I don't understand, why is this happening, where are you" kind of anger.

And this is truly the first time I have admitted it to anyone but Him.

I realize I probably am not supposed to admit this, this doesn't fit into the general, "don't worry, it's all in His hands", "He'll never give you more than you can handle", "it's all part of His plan" answers that we have all heard and probably all given or thought as we have heard someone else complain, or share about their anger.

Here is what I have come to in my full heartbreak anger.

He can handle it. He will handle it. He is absolutely listening and believe it or not holding you in your heartbreak.

See, after raging, hurting, being confused, feeling frustrated, alone and empty, I finally realize that He could handle all of it. He didn't stop loving me because I was ugly crying, or yelling at Him, or raging my feelings at Him.

Like any parent that truly loves their child, and because He is perfect and could do it even better, he can handle the rages, the rants, the broken-hearted cries, the pleading for things to be different, the "why did you do this to me", and everything else we do. Because He knows us and loves us perfectly. He wants us to grow to Him, like a sunflower to the sun. To look to Him and follow Him.

If that means we don't understand, it's okay. He does! He has the vision we don't have.

Maybe you are either one of those lucky ones who has never felt this way, or an amazing one who has your emotions completely under control and this doesn't make sense to you. That's ok.

But if you understand what I'm saying, just know that He is fully aware of how you feel. He's going to handle your hurt and one day through His grace and mercy and love, you will too.

The young woman I mentioned had lost her baby. It is a loss I cannot fathom! A heartbreak that is deep and consuming. Please know that you can go to Him in your anger. Or you can go back to Him when you are done being angry. He will be right there waiting for you, with open arms and a way to heal your broken heart.

After all, He knows a broken heart. He has watched His children over thousands of years. He has seen them through the good and the bad and the horrific. He watched His Son give up His life so that if we will believe and follow Him, we can go back home.

Can you imagine watching your child take on the pain, anger, hurt, frustration of everyone who would ever live? He did that as He watched His Son in the Garden of Gethsamane.Can you imagine watching your child be beaten and abused by the very people whose punishment he had just taken?Can you imagine being asked, "Father if thou wilt remove this cup, and then in the selfsame breath that same child saying, "not my will, but thine, be done." Then He watched this child be crucified and die a most horrific death.

If anyone understands complete heartbreak and loneliness, He does. But He also knows triumph! That same child rose again! He conquered death! He became the Savior of the world! This could not have happened if the Father didn't allow it!

His purpose for each and every one of us is triumph!