Meds and Executive Function Disorder/ ADHD Our Journey

Disclaimer: I'm writing this post with permission from this child, in hopes that our experience/nightmare may help someone else.
Also, this is NOT intended to diagnose a child you know, this is only a description of our own experiences.


We have a son who is an amazing kid, ok they all are, but I'm going to focus on this one for this post.
He has a heart of gold. He's the kind of kid who has compassion for those who may not fit in, who are being picked on, etc. We have had more than one occasion where someone has thanked me for his goodness because he really helped their child to fit in, or just have a friend. He can talk to any adult any time and is able to put most people at ease. He loves to tell jokes, loves pranks, and is a class clown.
Ever since he was young we have known that he has a head for learning bizarre facts, he loves science and could tell you about most of the solar system by the age of 3. He loves reading and reads novels regularly. A fun part of his personality is that he gets just as excited about someone else's birthday as they do. He is as creative as the day is long. I will never forget looking out in the backyard and seeing the kiddie picnic table turned upside down and he and his brother dressed in makeshift costumes carrying toy rifles. He was standing in front of "the boat" as he was playing George Washington crossing the Delaware. He was often in costumes reenacting some historical event, using his brothers or stuffed animals as characters and could have them pretending for hours.

In spite of all this school has been nothing short of a nightmare.
He's an extremely auditory and visual learner. He could watch a Bill Nye the Science Guy episode once and nearly quote it verbatim, because he was interested in the subject matter, he could hear and see the experiments and he didn't have to write anything down.
Anything involving writing has been horrific. Not just for school. Writing requirements for scouts, church talks, etc. And his handwriting is nearly illegible.
When he reads, he reads for content, not the actual words and he can fill in pretty well with his imagination. So when he reads aloud to his siblings, he often miscues. But in the long run, if it hasn't changed the idea of the story he just blissfully goes on.
By the time he reached the end of 3rd grade, we realized he was falling behind in math. Plus he was also the smallest kid in his class and by that point, the bullying had more than taken its toll on his psyche. It was devastating to live through. So I home schooled him for a year. Worst year ever. I am a former school teacher and I can only say ugh!
No really, it was that bad. We did great with reading and history, in fact we read and discussed amazing novels, learned about early civilization. It was fantastic! Math was a nightmare. I even warned him often during the year that if he didn't get his math assignments done, he would continue working on them through the summer until they were, even if he missed going to the pool, birthday parties, etc.
Guess what? He missed a lot of things that summer, and I felt guilty as heck. Guilty because he was missing stuff and horrible because I couldn't figure out another way to help him.

We put him at a different school the next year, to avoid the stigma of being held back. He had amazing teachers who truly loved him and were kind and understanding. We did everything we could to keep him organized. He had a planner. He carried only a few folders. He was constantly late on assignments, or they were turned in squashed from the bottom of his backpack, or they just weren't turned in because he lost them. However, he learned a lot and loved the year and the next. Then we moved across the country.
We sent him to a charter school that was rigid and advanced. It was an awful experience. He got in trouble for tapping his pencil or his foot. In spite of tutoring all year, he barely made it through in math. He got bullied again and again.
At home, things were getting steadily worse! He was raging inside and often out. He took out his anger and frustration on everyone. Many times I personally did not handle it well. Often his brothers expressed their anger at him for how he treated them. He started retreating into his own world.

Then we started junior high. If you have forgotten those years, it's for the best.

He wound up getting thrown (literally) around. He failed classes. Finally, we decided to have him tested. A few weeks later he was diagnosed with Executive Function Disorder, also known as ADHD.
(I wrote about this in a prior post Executive Function Disorder a.k.a. ADHD)
Now being a former teacher, I was both happy for a diagnosis and stunned because he wasn't like several of my students that had also been diagnosed. He didn't bounce off the walls all the time. He wasn't generally in lala land. He could focus for long periods of time when he wanted to.
Also, I was scared to death of medication. I had many students over the years on Ritalin and didn't see that it actually did anything. It was just a pill they would leave class to take, they'd come back and things were mostly the same. Not going to do that to my child, no way! Also, I'm not big into meds. So, there you are.

We had a diagnosis, talked over plans with his teachers, got color coded folders for his classes and now would sit with him daily after school and find out what he learned in each class, what he had for homework and get it done. Each day was one on one for at least an hour after school. And yet his anger kept building, his grades didn't improve. He was going regularly for tutoring, but nothing.

His science teacher thankfully realized that he aced his pretests for the chapters so she would let him study other things during class. She knew he needed more. He had an engineering class he loved and did great in. He took a video production class and not only learned about filming and editing, but also became a news anchor which helped his self esteem a bit, as people recognized him.

Then he started high school.
It seriously was feeling like the unending nightmare saga. His anger, frustration and rage were at times epic. It was affecting every aspect of our home life and it had for years, just getting progressively worse. I was beginning to wonder who was going to get seriously hurt, and all the while we were helping him with organization, taking him to counseling.

Finally, after realizing we had done all we could, we decided to try medication. I took him to the doctor, who expressed that at his age most kids were starting to wean off. Yep, I felt terrible.

He started the meds the next day. Now I realize that he was wanting them to help as much as we were, so his efforts were probably a bit exaggerated, but the first day this is what happened. He came home from school and started immediately on an assignment he was given that day. Not one single fight about getting off the games and doing his work, he got right to it! There wasn't a feeling of anger seeping out of him.
But what brought me to tears was this. My kids all have daily chores. One of his that day was to empty the dishwasher, but it was still running when he got home so I reminded him as I was going off to get other kids to bed. The next morning as I was getting breakfast ready, I opened the cupboards and there I found cups neatly stacked and in rows. Then I looked in the cupboard that I keep storage bowls in, everything was neatly stacked. This was not the usual. Usually I would open cupboards ready to catch whatever jumped out at me.
This is when the tears started and my breath got caught in my throat.

Did it take medication to help him see order? To be able to focus? To be able to stick to a task?

It seems like it.
Now I'm not saying it is all a bed of roses, but things have changed.
Here is what we have noticed.
First and foremost the anger and rage is much less.
Second, he is getting more done and able to stay on task better.
I don't have to remind him to get things done nearly as often as I did.
He says he can focus better and remember things better.
He is doing better in group settings.
He has reached out to his brothers to play with them and engage with them in a good way.
He has stomach aches sometimes, especially if he hasn't eaten and once got sick after taking it on an empty stomach.
His face gets beet red for a brief time after he takes it.
He has bouts of being really tired and has even taken a few naps.
He hasn't been as hungry as he was, which we are monitoring.

Do I wish I could go back and change the nightmare we have been living all these years and try meds? Yes, but we didn't know this was the problem and we may not have been prescribed this one, which seems to be working, so we may have spent years fruitlessly anyway.
Is this the answer for other kids? I don't know and I wouldn't try to determine it for anyone else. All I can do is share what happened with us.
Also, the meds are outrageously expensive! Not kidding, really expensive. Makes me wonder what happens with other kids who need them and can't afford them.
It is my sincere prayer that sharing this very difficult journey helps someone else. I shared previously about getting his diagnosis.
Like I said, I'm not necessarily advocating for meds. It's a really big decision and what we chose may not be what others would. Right now, it really is helping in all aspects of his life, should that change, we will reevaluate. After trying tutoring, organizational ideas, daily reviews, weekly check ins with teachers, as well as prayers and blessings, we really couldn't see anything else we could do.

Feel free to share if you have any ideas or experiences that have helped your child or one you know.

Or share this post if you know a parent who is beating their head against the wall not knowing where to start and you think this might help. If it helps one other kid, it'll be worth taking the time to write it.

004 Mom

 *you need to read this with the 007 theme song playing in your head




His breath was coming quickly as he raced across the room and hid. He couldn’t, no he wouldn’t let her find him.

She stood around the corner, ready to spring. She was listening for his breathing. She knew it would only be a moment, but she had to stay focused. It all depended on her success and she knew it. She had to remain focused and stay strong. This entire mission could head south if she lost this one.

She knew his tactics. She knew he was hiding. He did it well. He had lots of practice. She also knew that the thrill of this point of the chase would give him much needed adrenaline. She just hoped her determination would outlast his.

Then suddenly she heard something. It was him. She moved slowly around the corner, listening for his breath, his movement, a shadow, anything that would give him away.

There. There under the desk. She was sure that something just moved. She stepped closer. Yes, she was sure now. As she got closer, her grip got tighter, she didn’t want to lose her grip on the trigger.

Then she made the last long strides to the desk and peered under at that face. The face she knew so well. The face that was in her dreams and often in her nightmares.

 He saw her coming. He could see her legs moving quickly and silently towards him. He couldn’t get any smaller or leave his hiding place. She had him cornered and he knew it. He also knew it was the end.

Then he saw her face. At which point he laughed and cried at the same time, “Oh no Mommy, you found me!”

“Oh yes I did, and it’s to the bathroom with you mister. You aren’t getting out of cleaning it this easily!”

She handed him the bottle of cleaner and the rag with a smile and a sweet pat on the rump and off he scooted. 

She had won... this time.

 But it was a small victory because now she had to go find the other 3 and get them started. The drama and chase never ended, after all it was Saturday morning and jobs had to be done. Oh, she was fully aware that they all thought she just made up work to make them mad and keep them busy. If only they could understand how much she needed their help! So, some Saturday’s she hunted them down, others she lectured, many she yelled and every now and then she escaped to the quiet of her closet and munched on chocolate.

Right now was a moment of victory. It was time to relish it. It was time to figure out where the rest of them were.

Shameless Promotion for Feed My Starving Children

It isn't often that I try to promote anything. I'm not a salesperson. I know because I've tried.
But I just have to say I have a new favorite organization: Feed My Starving Children.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!

This businessman, Richard Proudfit, saw a need, he came home and worked out a plan to send food to needy areas and did that, only to find that the people were so malnourished they couldn't digest the food. He came up with a new plan and hired people to come up with something these people could eat. They came up with a rice, soybean, vitamin, dried vegetable mixture that is packaged all by VOLUNTEERS and it is shipped all over the world to those who have requested it and have ability to get it to those who need it.

90%, yes NINETY PERCENT of the funds go to feeding people!! That is almost unheard of!

One of the main reasons I don't donate to organizations is because I know they waste so much money! They are often top heavy and that is not the case here.

Where does the food come from? Donations. They buy from what was donated. Volunteers pack it.
So simple.

Packing sessions are a fun competition. People stand around tables putting in their ingredients, sealing and then packing bags in boxes. Anyone age 5 and up can help. They even have jobs for those who can't stand but can sit and help. They play music and everyone is dancing and packing and knowing that for just a short while they are doing something that will really make a difference.

Oh and get this, the rice comes in these huge bags. When they are done with a bag of rice, they include the bag in the shipping container and those bags are also used by the people, often to fortify their dwellings with waterproof roofing.

It is AMAZING!

After a session, anyone who wants can come surround the pallet of food and join in prayer that it will make it safely where it needs to go and so far 99% of it has!!!

I know, this is me on exclamation overload, but I just love this!

Finally, they have a gift shop where you can purchase things that have been made by people in these areas. They have cool items. And those sales ensure that more food goes back to these people. They show pictures of some of the artisans. You have no idea how beautiful a 50 gallon drum can be until you see what they make out of what they have!

These items above were made from 50 gallon oil drums they cleaned flattened and turned into these awesome items!



One thing I learned while I was there is that in one area the people take clay, mix it with water, salt and oil and bake it to make "cookies" for eating purposes. They have NO nutritional value. They are simply something to help tummies feel full. It is heart wrenching to think of anyone eating these things because there is nothing else. Now, FMSC gets food to these areas and these kids eat real food. Now they make mugs out of the clay and they get shipped here to sell at the FMSC locations. Then those funds help pay for more food.

It is win win! You go help feed people, you donate your time to a worthy cause, you leave knowing you've made a difference, you go home and enjoy your hot chocolate in a mug made by someone on the other side of the world who is no longer starving because of you!

It is AWESOME!!

That is my shameless plug.

Friends of Faith

Tonight our family was reading the story of the four men who carried their sick friend to be healed of Jesus. They carried this sick man on his bed between them to the house, but it was so crowded they had no way to get him through the doorway to the Savior. 

Undaunted, they took an unconventional approach and headed to the roof. They got their friend up on the roof, removed some roof tiles and lowered him into the house. This account is recorded in Luke 5:17-20 and Mark 2:1-5.
We talked a bit about why this account was recorded in the scriptures. What is the significance? Suddenly it dawned on me, maybe the significance is the sick man's friends. They all obviously had a great love for this man, they wanted him to be healed. They had faith in the power of the Savior to do just that. They took their friend all the way. All the way! They carried him. They then somehow got him up on the roof! How much effort did that take?

Did the friend actually believe? We don't know. It says, "When Jesus saw their faith..." He then forgave the man's sins and he was healed.

Have there been times in your life where you don't know how you made it through? Then you look back and realize that you had the strength of good, wonderful, believing friends who carried you to the Savior's feet, because you couldn't get there yourself. 

I have those friends.

A dear friend in college cared enough about me, to let me know that the path I was on was wrong. I knew it, but didn't want to admit it. She called me out on it. It sent me to the feet of my Savior.

I have friends who loved and supported me when my husband was very ill and I couldn't always handle the day to day tasks and bills completely on my own. Their support and faith took me often to the feet of my Savior, in complete thanks.

I have friends who I know spend time on their knees at the feet of the Savior in my behalf when I am struggling.

We cannot underestimate the power of the faith of friends. It is there to sustain us, carry us, put us on the right path. The path that puts us at His feet.

We also cannot underestimate the power in being that kind of friend. We are to be the Lord's hands and feet. We are to reach out to those whose hands are hanging down. We are to get ourselves over to those who need us. We are to use the healing words He directs us to speak.

Why did Jesus set that example? Because He wanted us to follow it to the best of our human ability. And when we do, He makes our efforts perfect. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way or look that way with our finite minds. But we cannot see His infinite plan and how all the pieces fit together.

So my friends, thank you! This week, I am going to try harder to be that friend of faith, and I hope you will too.

Hiking and Celebrations

I took my two youngest hiking this morning because my hubby was working and my older two boys were camping.

I knew it would be quite a hike for them especially my 4 year old. We had tried the hill before, but didn't make it even half way before he tuckered out, then he fell and got scraped up and it was all over, he wanted to go home.

My six year old is always gung ho and was carrying on a full conversation while hiking up the hill. So we walked, he talked, we looked for animals and stopped for drinks. Eventually we made it to the top where they then played a full on game of tag while I sat down and looked at the view. I could see mountains that are over 100 miles away. I could see my van waaaayyy down at the bottom looking pretty small. I could see my kids playing, aggravating the ants, looking for lizards, watching a lone butterfly and seeing some birds soar.

On the way down, the boys were practically running down the hill.

As I watched them, I kept thinking, "Wait! Slow down. Don't you want to savor the easy part?"

They didn't need to savor it as much as I did, because for them the hike was easy.

It was a little harder for me. I wanted to sit and enjoy it because it had been kind of a struggle but I had made it.

Isn't it interesting how we have challenges and struggles and sometimes they are so hard we can barely take the next step or another breath? We just aren't sure we will make it.

But then we breathe, we step, and in time we find that we made it.

I have watched recently as people have celebrated milestones, a marriage, an anniversary, a birthday, and it has largely been about inviting friends to celebrate with them. To enjoy the story behind getting there. 

Making it to the wedding day after years of trying to find someone. 

An anniversary that came in spite of some years where they weren't sure they wanted to stay together, but they did and then truly had reason to celebrate. 

A birthday milestone after having had cancer and then realizing that they indeed not only made it, but made it five more years.

We celebrate the "making it". 

There really is no celebration in easy peasy. 

When was the last time you celebrated folding socks? Now it might be different if you were folding socks after having lost your hands, or have bad arthritis. 

The true celebration comes from having the struggle. And somehow in the struggle we do get stronger. The next hill we face is a little easier to climb at the beginning, the part we have gained muscle from in our last hill. 

I sometimes find myself whining about how hard something is, when the reality is, I'm just headed uphill and there will be a great view when I've struggled to the top. I will have cause for joy. 

And if I'm smart, I will take a moment to celebrate the struggle that got me to where I could see all the beauty that I missed while I was climbing.

Dear Teacher

Dear Teacher,

I just wanted you to know that my child didn't do his homework tonight.

He came home from school, had a snack, and played a bit with his brothers. Then we looked outside and noticed the wind had picked up and the trees were swaying and we saw rain clouds coming. And we watched them. We felt the air finally cool down, after a really long hot summer.

Then the rain hit, hard.

We let the drops crash down on our heads as we walked down the street to see if the neighbor kids wanted to play in the rain too. We haven't seen them in months. Haven't really been able to play since school got started.

So they played in the soaking, splattering, ear filling rain.

They rode scooters in it. They played ball in it. Then the rain slowed and stopped far too soon.

So they floated bits of seed pods and leaves down the gutter.

They splashed in the puddles with their hands and then jumped in with both feet.

They laughed and giggled and raced.

One of them jumped on the trampoline in the pouring rain.

They used their little muscles that have been sitting most of the day as they ran, jumped, scooted and splashed.

They used their ears enjoying the sounds of wind and raindrops and laughter.

They used their brains as they floated bits down the gutter and determined who would win.

Not once did they fight.

Not once did I have to worry about screen time, because no one thought of the screens.

There were a few owwies that needed bandaids and tears wiped away from slipping.

They came inside and changed and went back out and played until dark. Something my kids haven't done since last spring when it was cooler. And my husband and I sat and listened to the music of them laughing and giggling and playing. A sound we don't hear often enough now.

I want you to know, I realize the abundance of homework is not your fault. I realize that our society and "the experts" have decided that "teaching" our kids things their brains aren't ready for but look really good and fancy is super important. I realize what is expected of you each and every day is ludicrous.

But I wanted you to know that tonight my kids got a real education. They did the most important homework they could possibly do.

Tonight, they were kids.

I Went AWOW

Sorry dear friends. I went AWOW. That stands for Absent With Out Writing.

It has been a very weird time for me, and honestly, not sure it is over.

Several months ago I was feeling agitated every time I sat down to write. I look back at several of the drafts and I think I see why. I was getting so worked up about what I see going on in the world, in politics, in life, that I just could no longer really hear The Voice I needed to hear. I couldn't really hear the Spirit talking to me.

And I'm not sure that I can yet. Not to say that I haven't heard the Spirit in months, more that I need to better be able to hear it and then act on what I hear. So I've taken a break.

Here's what I've learned so far:

I need to be quiet if I want to hear.
I've been so busy hearing all the craziness in the world and voicing my opinion that I'm not really listening to His truth. I have needed to be quiet and swallow my words, because really they have all been my words lately, which is why looking back I see lots of drafts and not a lot of posts.

I need to act on what I hear.
This can be a hard one for me. Sometimes I just get stubborn and say, "But I don't want to do/say/write that."
Have you ever noticed that at times what God is telling you to do goes against your natural grain? I am not by nature a quiet person. I talk loud and laugh loud. So for Him to tell me to be quiet for a while- very tough!

I've noticed more just how many times a day the Lord is asking me to help His children by making that phone call or addressing a need or saying a prayer, and yet, I still continue on with my own plans at times.

It is humbling to think of what I could be accomplishing and frustrating to see how easily selfish I can be at times.

So I may not be fully back yet, but I am also not gone.

I am simply trying to be a better listener.