Today in church was so enlightening to me and I just have to share what I learned from the comments of a couple of amazing women who were clearly directed by the Spirit.
Amber was teaching about grace and her own struggles with some things in her life. She mentioned how after years of praying and fasting and struggling with a particular issue she decided it was time to take the backpack of all these struggles off and place it at the feet of the Savior and walk away.
Now, I have to admit, I have often heard of people taking their burdens and casting them at the feet of the Savior and I have struggled with my own inability to do that.
But now I think I understand a little bit more about why.
Noelle then said, "How often do we put that backpack there and then go back to it, maybe asking the Lord, ''Have you got it? I can take it back."
Or maybe I think, "You know, I think I left something in there I'm not really done with, let me take a peek."
How often have I done exactly that! I have left the back pack and then gone back to take little bits and pieces out, or thought maybe I shouldn't have handed it all over to the Lord.
Maybe it is time for me to hand over the back pack, all of it, and walk away.
And not look back.
And not ask for a glimpse.
And not think that I can carry it better than He can.
I already have to continue on with the consequences of my choices.
But I don't have to feel the pain anymore. I don't have to continue to carry the burden of regret, frustration, anger, resentment or fear. He has already paid the price for all of that.
I just need to go forward trusting in His grace, asking for His help, and seeing and feeling the many ways He shows me His love.
It may not look, or feel the way I want it to. I may have to hold on to things I can't see, or touch, but only hope for, until the day I am at His feet.
But maybe, just maybe, by putting down that backpack and letting Him take it, I will be better able to enjoy the journey, climb higher, reach out to help others on the path.
Somehow, I don't think that when we get to the other side we are going to want to be hauling the baggage we are trying to haul around here. Especially when we can leave it behind.
I can only hope to help someone else learn where to put their load, when I know where it goes myself.