The other day I was reading some replies on a post someone made asking why people stopped going to church.
One response grabbed my heart.
It was from a young woman who said she quit going to church because she was mad at God.
Have you ever been mad at God?
I will admit it, I have.
Not just a little bit, a lot.
That is a really hard thing to admit out loud. But this anger came from utter and complete heartbreak. This wasn't just a "you didn't give me what I wanted" spoiled frustration, and I am in no way advocating that!
This was a "my heart is completely broken, I don't understand, why is this happening, where are you" kind of anger.
And this is truly the first time I have admitted it to anyone but Him.
I realize I probably am not supposed to admit this, this doesn't fit into the general, "don't worry, it's all in His hands", "He'll never give you more than you can handle", "it's all part of His plan" answers that we have all heard and probably all given or thought as we have heard someone else complain, or share about their anger.
Here is what I have come to in my full heartbreak anger.
He can handle it. He will handle it. He is absolutely listening and believe it or not holding you in your heartbreak.
See, after raging, hurting, being confused, feeling frustrated, alone and empty, I finally realize that He could handle all of it. He didn't stop loving me because I was ugly crying, or yelling at Him, or raging my feelings at Him.
Like any parent that truly loves their child, and because He is perfect and could do it even better, he can handle the rages, the rants, the broken-hearted cries, the pleading for things to be different, the "why did you do this to me", and everything else we do. Because He knows us and loves us perfectly. He wants us to grow to Him, like a sunflower to the sun. To look to Him and follow Him.
If that means we don't understand, it's okay. He does! He has the vision we don't have.
Maybe you are either one of those lucky ones who has never felt this way, or an amazing one who has your emotions completely under control and this doesn't make sense to you. That's ok.
But if you understand what I'm saying, just know that He is fully aware of how you feel. He's going to handle your hurt and one day through His grace and mercy and love, you will too.
The young woman I mentioned had lost her baby. It is a loss I cannot fathom! A heartbreak that is deep and consuming. Please know that you can go to Him in your anger. Or you can go back to Him when you are done being angry. He will be right there waiting for you, with open arms and a way to heal your broken heart.
After all, He knows a broken heart. He has watched His children over thousands of years. He has seen them through the good and the bad and the horrific. He watched His Son give up His life so that if we will believe and follow Him, we can go back home.
Can you imagine watching your child take on the pain, anger, hurt, frustration of everyone who would ever live? He did that as He watched His Son in the Garden of Eden.Can you imagine watching your child be beaten and abused by the very people whose punishment he had just taken?Can you imagine being asked, "Father if thou wilt remove this cup, and then in the selfsame breath that same child saying, "not my will, but thine, be done." Then He watched this child be crucified and die a most horrific death.
If anyone understands complete heartbreak and loneliness, He does. But He also knows triumph! That same child rose again! He conquered death! He became the Savior of the world! This could not have happened if the Father didn't allow it!
His purpose for each and every one of us is triumph!