The past few months I have been struggling with myself. I keep finding myself in situations with people and I truly don't know what to do or how to handle them. The kind of situations where it is so unanticipated that you find yourself pulling your jaw up off the ground.
I have found myself completely stunned.
I have found myself incensed.
I have found myself having to get super uncomfortable and stand up and say things that are right but are making me shake in my boots.
I have also found myself questioning me. Examining my motives. Examining how I am choosing to handle things. Examining my patience.
Frankly, it is all uncomfortable.
This morning as I woke up, again struggling with things, I realized that I may not be doing all this self examination if it wasn't for being so uncomfortable.
I'll admit. I like to be comfy. I like comfy clothes and comfy chairs. I like comfy friends and cozy surroundings. But as much as I like all that and need those things (especially the comfy friends) those don't make me grow as much and as quickly as wiggling in my own skin and tossing in my mind does.
This morning I came to realize that all this wrestling with myself is for my own good. God in His infinite wisdom is going to help reveal something better in me. I just have to be willing to go through some yucky and somewhat painful scrubbing with a wire brush!
I sure like the beautiful swan idea. Have you ever seen a beautiful stark white swan? They are absolutely gorgeous with their contrasting black bill. But they aren't just pretty to look at! They are strong, powerful birds. They can handle long migration. They are loyal and dependable.
So please bear with me as I'm in my ugly duckling phase! I hope it won't last long, but while it does, I'm going to keep examining and questioning and learning.
Come to think of it, it might be good to consider that for others. They may be going through an ugly phase too. Let's get through the ugly together, by being as kind as possible, learning how to stand up kindly, express joyfully and live fully, that we may become the beautiful creatures God made us to be.