Loneliness

There are times in my life where I have felt utterly alone.
The kind of alone-ness that makes you wonder if the heavens are listening.

I have been thinking about that a lot as a parent. As I send my kids off to school each day and there is no telling what they might experience, I don't want them to ever feel alone. After all, the world we live in is crazy and getting crazier by the minute. The world they go off to can be very lonely, especially when you are having a hard time finding friends.

I know the Savior felt that loneliness. Could anyone ever feel more alone than to be taken from their family and closest friends, falsely put on trial, and sentenced to death?

I also know that "Footprints in the Sand" poem about the Savior walking beside the person and in the lowest points of life there being only one set of prints in the sand. The explanation is that is when He carried him.

Have you ever had a child fall asleep in their car seat and when you get home you quietly and gently unbuckle them and pull them into your arms, and noticed that for just the briefest moment they open their eyes and see either their surroundings or your face, recognize home and safety and immediately go back to sleep, slack in your arms. Completely trusting and feeling safe they fully relax.

I have noticed it a lot in my youngest, maybe because he falls asleep in the car more than any of my other kids. Somehow it brings me great joy. To know that he just needs to see home or my face and feel safe enough to go right back to sleep. Just recently, he had been very upset about not getting a piece of candy and was making this known loudly as we drove and eventually fell asleep. We got home, I laid him on the couch, and he woke up some time later asking about the candy and it sounded like he was just finishing the sentence he had fallen asleep saying. He didn't remember the rest of the ride or being brought in the house, he just remembered what he was upset about.

When I think about being carried by the Savior, through those very alone times, I know that in Him I am totally safe.

I also know that I may not remember Him carrying me, like my son not realizing I have brought him into our home, but I trust that He is.
And though, at times I get back on my knees repeating the same complaint, or requesting the same blessing, or thanking the same things, I know that I have a loving Father that is listening, holding me close and carrying me back home.

I just need to open my spiritual eyes for a second and take a look and just trust.